I soooo miss your loving and usually inquisitive gaze. We seemed to always keep an eye on each other. Every time I looked at you I could tell you cared about me, you were concerned with what I was doing – or about to do- and just generally wanted to know where I was. I have to know that you saw the same in my eyes looking at you. I loved you so much and just wanted to know where you were at all times, and that you were safe. I still look for you constantly and cannot accept that you aren’t here, aren’t safe, aren’t by my side protecting me too. The pain is duller now. I am able to bury it deeper, but it continues to bubble up occasionally and I don’t see that it will ever stop. Even when I don’t stare at the many thousands of images I have of you, I see you in my mind, clearly, crip, with detail and texture, lighting, color, scent, touch, tactile, so real. I hear you. Your sounds. Your breath. Your snort, snores and excited barks. The jingle of tags on your collar, them hitting your water bowl as you slurp and swallow. That shake- oh that shake. It was your call to action, and something was about to happen. But even then, those eyes. Talking to me just by looking. Want to go outside? Want to eat? Want to play? Or just need a hug? I need a hug. I need a hug, bad. Sophie gave the best hugs. I loved my Sophie hugs.
